New beginnings…and hopefully, smaller pant sizes…
Alright people…this is it! Everyone around me is on a diet, exercising, weight training or whatever else…I think its time I take tips from the masses and develop my own “feel better, look better, live healthy” plan.
Am I excited? Not exactly…it’s so easy to carry on life with great wine, tasty treats, glorious carbohydrates and flavourful fats, followed by a charcol filtered Belmont and 4 hours of TV on the couch. This, my friends, may very well make me uncomfortable for a while.
But…yes…oh yes there is a “but”! These things I will give up will also allow me to do other, more meaningful things in life. For example, giving up allllllll that great wine, my liver will last longer and my teeth won’t stain. Those tasty treats, without them I may be able to dodge diabetes. My glorious carbohydrates, I’ll miss you most! Instead of buying a SUPER big bag of chips, I could buy myself a new pair of workout pants…a size or two smaller!! And of course those flavourful fats…I’ll be able to wave those goodbye, and only once, as I won’t have those hiddeous “bye-bye arms” that keep waving even after I’ve stopped. But best of all, by giving up my Belmonts, I’ll be able to lower my chances of getting cancer, have clear, young looking skin, keep my teeth white, and most important of all, increase my lifespan so that I can spend the rest of my life with the man I love and watch our family grow!
Seriously, who could possibly go on living this way when there is so much more life to live and these habits are like ticking time bombs, putting your life on an ever increasing slope to hit rock bottom!?! Well…easier said than done. When going on a diet it’s instantaneous heartbreak. All the things you used to love to eat or do will become the forbidden enemy, and you may even spend an entire day griping and groaning about what you “have to” eat or do on this new plan. But fear not…the weight will shed, your shape will reappear, you’ll have more energy and your friends…will notice! (*end of self pep talk!*)
Ok, so what do I fear? I fear failure. Who doesn’t? I fear…huh…I guess that’s all I fear. I mean what, other than failure, is possibly frightening about feeling better, looking better and being healthy?!? Nothing! Because to be honest if you fall off the bandwagon and have a scone one day with your grande caramel machiatto before work, just eat a good lunch, a good dinner and put in 20mins extra on your workout…or…forget it and carry on eating well! I mean moderation is really the key here. Don’t have it everyday but once in a while is fine, or in small portions.
Alright so I’ve basically just talked to myself this whole time about not fearing this process and all the benefits I would get from it, so…why am I so unmotivated!?!
*sigh*
This time I won’t let myself be unmotivated…this time I will track my progress! Hello, “ForeverAlice – A Weight Loss Journey Down The Rabbit Hole”!
Now, all that is left…is to step on the scale…*shudder*…
Is it just me or are we all fucked up???
So I was directed toward the “Lainey Gossip” webpage today by a coworker that gets a kick out of her blog that is based on celebrity gossip and entertainment “news”, if thats what you would like to call it. Global hangings is what it really is. Anyway, I read a couple of the Paris Hilton blurbs that were on there, complete with pictures, then moved on to today’s order of hangings.
It seems to me that NO ONE can escape this lonely bloggers poisonous tongue. In the celebrity world, if you’re 2 pounds overweight you’re immediately “gigantic” or “letting yourself go”, and if you loose those 2 pounds plus an extra 2, you’re “toooo skinny” or “anorexic”. For goodness sake they had pics of Paris Hilton on there, who is referred to on this site as “Ebola Paris Hilton”, (like the disease?), and were disecting every inch of her! Now don’t get me wrong, I am NOT a fan of the heiress, but puh-leeeeeease! She is NOT fat, or too skinny, or whatever else! Of course there will be gross pics of her here and there, she’s freakin human! As with the rest of us! But come on people, do we really need to thrive on the misfortune of others? No matter how famous or infamous they are?
It makes me want to hurl…oops! Did I say that!? Is everyone going to think I’m bulimic now!?
I dunno…this shit is twisted. Envy and lust are two of the seven deadly sins after all. And what are we doing on these gossip sites besides envying others with more than we have ourselves, and lusting after beautiful men and women. Oh, and consistantly making fun of those in the lime light…which can also be characterized as envy, for those who do it for jealous reasons, and also as wrath for those who generally do it to harm others. Hmmmm…ticket to heaven??? I don’t think so.
So this made me think…again…what am I doing to myself then, when I hate my body, or eat things I KNOW my body will immediately store on my ass, or cut myself down for those little things I don’t like. I’m basically just as bad as “Lainey Gossip”…without the globally known website full of pictures of course. Time to start taking some pride in myself…
*sigh*…
I got my nails done for the wedding this Saturday so bare with me…my typing isn’t that fantastic today.
I’ve been thinking…thinking a lot lately. I talked to a friend yesterday that I haven’t really been in touch with since highschool, and her blog started to make my wheels turn. She’s been having similar stuggles with weight as I have had the past couple of years, and reading her blog was like reading my own thoughts.
I had surgery a couple years ago for a bone graft and some dental stuff, and after, my body was neeeeever the same. I started going downhill when my grandma died as I held her hand, then very shortly after my bf and I broke up, then I turned 21, got a new boyfriend, got engaged, got dumped, got a new boyfriend, got surgery, gained weight, broke up with the new boyfriend, then (thankfully) met Prince Charming. After about 9 months with Prince Charming I started gaining more weight…and more weight…and reached the highest weight I’ve EVER been in my life…and no I won’t be disclosing it. Ever since I realized I haaaaated myself, which was shortly after the weight gain, I decided it was time to loose the pounds, tone the body and get happy again. I’ve been able to reach a point where I feel comfortable with my body…bloody hell I’ve even put a bikini on at the beach twice this summer and not been crazy self concious!
I think a large part of feeling good about yourself has to do with truely being comfortable with everything about you. They say you first have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. Although this is probably the toughest thing that a girl will have to do in her life, it’s totally true…and I think I’m well on my way.
Now to kick the smoking habit…ugh.
Back off bitches! Get your own Prince Charming!!!
I hate to be the one blogger out there that does nothing else but bitch and complain about life, because really, I don’t have it bad at all. But this is definitely a place I like to come to vent or gain insight from those of you who read this.
Lately, I’ve noticed a change in Prince Charming. He’s still himself, just…different. That’s kind of moronic to say, afterall how can you be the same but different?? Well…it just feels like he’s distant. Like he’s holding back. Up until now I’ve been the one holding back. I have a bad habit of picking up and leaving relationships around the one year mark…and this one is coming up on 2 years! (*OMG hold your breath and hope it holds out until Aug. 21st!*) But lately I’ve been the one making huge concessions in order for things to work, watching what I say, doing what I need to do, and taking him into consideration about EVERYTHING. I’ve been a good girlfriend…so what gives?
I’ve never been one to get jealous or worry about other girls but man…recently I’ve had to beat the bitches off with a stick! Karma’s revenge for my past relationships where I was the “hot” one, I’m sure.
So what’s the real issue??? Point blank, I love him. And I don’t want him to be with anyone else. Obviously. But I think what I’m experiencing is the fear that he might leave for something skinnier, better and younger…cuz it’s out there…and attracted to him…grrrrrrr!
But yeah…here I am…sucking up the issue again…meanwhile the cockiest cock that ever cocked is frequenting the IGA where three of the girls wanna piece of MY man pie!
…this is FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!
“Silence is the true friend that never betrays.” – Confucius
My life has changed quite a bit since I started writing this blog and opening myself up to new friendships. Prior to my introduction to Ahamtrying, Keeks and Miss Emphasis my social circled consisted of Vancouvite binge drinking party girls, hypocritical snobs, and bitter backstabbing bitches (aliteration intended). My relationship was also in dire straights and things just didn’t seem to be looking up.
Since my three sources of inspiration ever so quickly swept me off my feet and let me really breathe I’ve come full circle, accepting the friendships I have, letting vexatious ones slip away, and learning to break the barriers that restrain my heart.
There are many things that I’ve learned from these three wonderful girls that I could never have known or been able to learn from the city girl friendships I’ve managed to hold together here. Growing up in the city is extremely different from anywhere else in the world. Especially Vancouver. Our coast is so segregated and exclusory that the girl next door might not like you simply because your property line is also an invisible boarder seperating “White Rock” from “Surrey”, or “Delta” from “Whalley”. Come on people, we’re all next door to each other, can’t we all just get along!?
Women here are ruthless and hardened. Trust, in your friends and yourself, is a fleeting thought often occumpanied by the phrase, “What the hell was I thinking!?” Yes people, its tough to forge friendships that last here. There are no boundaries, every word, picture, facebook status and whatever else you put out there is open to public, and often unknown, scrutany. You think you have privacy, but you don’t. You think confidence in another is respected, but it’s not. You could go 10 years thinking you’ve got the best friends in the world, only to discover that soon that person is going to drop you out of their life, as carefree as a smoker flicks their butt out the driverside window. Here, fake is the new genuine.
“Vancouver is bullshit Alice, and it steals souls.” – Ahamtrying
I’ll be Frank with you, (the alias of an alias named Alice), I think she’s right. Ahamtrying that is. If it weren’t for these new friendships, my little place here on the internet super highway, and a few good books…my soul would have been black.
“You’re like, a black hole. And when I say you’re a black hole, I mean it lovingly.” – Miss Emphasis
Maybe she’s right too. All this drama-rama going down around the stagette and wedding bullshit consumed my day, then I dyed my hair black and wore alllllll black after. Hmm…figuratively I was a black hole, sucking up everyone’s bitching and complaining about each other and driving around in a tyraid…then I started to dress like one. (*Note to self: wear more color!*).
“I like your hair. It looks really nice on you.” – Keeks
Thanks Keeks! Needed a pick me up. You’re rad, and today, I think my hair is too! 
Well, I think I’ve figured out the key to keeping myself sane while I live here. Don’t hold friendships in such high regard as most of them fizzle. Keep the ones that truely mean the most and shrug off the shit that means nothing, cuz most of it does. 7 billion people in the world and I’m sure there are more true friends out there.
So this blog is dedicated, with a special little thanks to the Universe, to my three sisters in arms who have had my back since I met them and taught me the meaning of true friendship (eventhough its only been a little while) and helped me scrape the tar off my city girl heart!
When life hands you lemons…
When life hands you lemons…I say squeeze ‘em. Its like squeezing a stress ball, but better cuz you get juice out of them!
Unfortunately, the lemon life handed me in regards to this Economics course yields no juice. Plain and simple, I’m screwed. And not in the good way. Both of my midterms I’ve scored in the low to mid 30% range…yeah…it’s that bad! It’s all calculus craziness! I am NOT good with math in the first place so you can see how this course would be a struggle for me. Once again, due to this course, I have to postpone my degree 
But ya know what? I think I’m ok with it. I know for a fact that my mathamatical capabilities are much less than decent, and at least I tried to make it through this course. It just sucks that this one thing is hindering me when I can assure you that I will not be using this kind of math in the sector of Human Resources Management that I’m interested in.
*Sigh*
Oh the life of a student. Oh well, I’ll just have to adjust yet again…take my practicum next summer, and devote next spring to tutoring and another round of Economics.
Blast! Calculus you have foiled me!
The Plan…Part 3
Ahamtrying, Miss Emphasis and I made our way to the dollar store where Keeks works to grab necessary supplies: poster board, markers, dried flowers and glue. I was getting excited! I also managed to buy flower pins for my hair, fly swatters, candy and cute chop sticks…for some reason or another. I was really looking forward to hashing out my to do and want to do lists and come to a plan for the next 1, 3 and 5 years. So we went back to Ahamtrying’s, settled down, smoked, smoked some more and finally gave in to our crafty project. Little did I know that my subconscious had been working on developing this plan soooooo perfectly that I ended up psyching myself out and getting all anxious and panicked.
I didn’t know what to write! I didn’t know what I wanted…I couldn’t get past planning the next year never mind 3 and 5 years down the road. I was SO lost. Which is the reason I wanted to make a plan in the first place, so that I didn’t feel so lost.
Grrrrrr…
Anyway, I ended up making it worse by worrying about how it looked…so now its just a bunch of words on a piece of paper with no flair, no fun, just words words words! Overwhelming. So I’ve decided that I need to do another version. Version 1 of The Plan = not so pretty. Maybe version 2 will be more colorful, more inspiring and more meaningful. Right now my life is so structured and limited to the things I need to complete in the next year or two. I think that is what got me off on the wrong foot with this whole plan thing. I already knew what I HAD to do, but I never gave any thought to what I WANT to do. Thus The Plan was turned into a menacing to do list of permanent tasks stewing like storm clouds above my head, ready to rain down on me as I’m trapped in a little bottle with no magic mushrooms to make me big again!
*sigh*
So today I realized a few things…what I really want to do, other than graduate, get a new job, schedule my surgery, go on a weekend vacation, and look for job openings, is be happy and healthy! And to do that I’ve compiled a list to add to the next installment of “The Plan”:
1) Go through my old clothes and weed out all the stuff I don’t want. Take said “junk” to Erin’s and “swap”…everything left over goes to sally ann.
2) Knit/Crochet a frog, bear, bunny, or something else really cute. Yay for fun Christmas gifts!
3) Read my Yoga book and be familiar enough with the poses that you can make up your own “class” without having to watch a DVD or look at the book.
4) Take pictures off camera, put into organized folders and burn on CD-RW. Take old pics off of CD-RW and get them printed…then start scrapbooking.
5) Eat raw veggies at least once everyday…dip optional.
6) Go to the Vancouver Zoo, Aquarium or Museum.
7) Go to the Vancouver library for a day of nerdiness.
8 ) DO NOT over plan my two year anniversary with Prince Charming. Last year was a disaster and we never even made it to half the stuff we had planned.
Maybe if I relax, take some time to think about things that make me happy and that I’ve always wanted to do, I’ll develop a plan that isn’t so heavily focused on the MUSTs in life and more on the fun things and activities I enjoy doing.
I’ve linked pics of The Plan also incase anyone is interested…plus I need to expand on what has already been established!
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- The Plan
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- The Plan – General Goals
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- The Plan – Yearly Plans
*Lightbulb!!!*
So Ahamtrying solved my problem that I just posted about…follow this link and it’ll describe everything I’m going thru!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter-life_crisis
Yep…thats right…the QLC, quarter-life crisis! I read the list of “characteristics”…yeah thats the first time I’ve been able to yell out “CHECK!” to everything on a list…and trust me, this time that’s not a good thing!
Severe lack of confidence or just pure laziness???
My mom is also my boss and I asked her yesterday what kind of a haircut I should get this week as my friend is getting married in Aug but I need to do something with this mop on my head. I haven’t had a cut in a while so its just kind of flat and shapeless…no fun. Anyway, she told me not to chop it off but then said, “Ya know you’re all or nothing. Either you come to work looking like you just threw on some clothes, pulled back your hair, and did nothing to your face, or it’s like wow! You look great that must have taken you hours! And it did. You need to find a routine in the morning that you can do so your hair looks nice, you put on a little makeup and think about the clothes you choose.”
All I can say is…OUCH.
My own Mother told me I look like shit basically. Then I started to think about it during my finally-off-work-out-of-mom’s-sight cigarette…I really don’t try. Seriously. I get up, throw on clothes and head out the door. Why bother with makeup? Why bother doing my hair? I dunno. Then it dawned on me, as I looked at myself in the mirror…I totally don’t take enough pride in my appearance.
But why???
I mean, I know how to make myself look really nice when I’m going out for a special occassion…but…why do I let myself look like crap every other day!? It’s not that I can’t do it…I’ve got a shit load of makeup and I know how to use it properly, and I have all the necessary tools and tricks to make my hair look fabulous! So what’s up!?
So is it a severe lack of confidence? Or just pure laziness?
I think its a combination of both, but mostly the confidence issue. I definately don’t look like Kate Moss, or any other media glorified hot celebrity out there. But I’m pretty in my own right. Well…I guess…but I haven’t really felt pretty lately.
*sigh*
